J. Haux

Thank you all so much for your comments! I'll sort all that out soon...particularly the numerous typos--yikes!. ~Jacquie~

The imagery was beautiful. I love the way it flows: almost dreamily. Apart from the 'blown' and 'blowing' so close together, I can't offer any advice. I loved it! ~Jacquie~

Max may have died, or not.......who knows? That would cut if off short, now wouldn't it? I agree with Griffinkeeper. That's just about what I was going to say, but ...

Searria, We're going to need to break it up into some more paragraphs, mainly where your characters are speaking, so you can tell which is which. Don't you think it ...

Your stories are always so engaging, Dusky. Good description of Leo and Christy playing, by the way. I'll have to keep up with this.

Seriously though, I don't get how this version makes her seem thoughtful Erg...Sorry, I wasn't clear. I meant someone said she seemed more thoughtful in the first version. I didn't ...

Why don't you introduce yourself in the Welcome forum? That way people will know you're new. :D

Hm...You added stuff. I'll have to come back later. ~Jacquie~

...who lures people into touching it, at which point it seizes the person and retreats back to its watery home (loch, river, anything freshwater) and devours it. Hope that clears ...

This was really good. I'm not saying that because you're my sister. I remember crying and saying that it was all my fault, but not much else. I don't have ...

Amala’s grandfather sat with his hands clasped together tightly, probably concocting some diabolical plot to get out. The fact that his hands are clasped together doesn't imply that he's plotting. ...

the middle child of a family...doesn't receive the attention it deserves. Not so, Jessie! Not so! That's neat, Z! :D

Oh! NO telling sentences that I can see. :wink: Are you going to elaborate and make this a story, David?

Isn't it nice? That's all I've posted and people have been really nice...

Uh, hi Jessie. :D I see you! ~Jacquie~